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Quantum Mechanics Jokes? Post 'em here!

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Member
Registered: Sep 2007
Posts: 1
Q. What's the difference between an automobile mechanic and a quantum mechanic?

A. A quantum mechanic can get his car into the garage without opening the door.
Administrator
Registered: Aug 2007
Posts: 200
I guess I am a pretty bad quantum mechanic, I still cannot do that without opening the door :)
Member
Registered: Sep 2007
Posts: 3
Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies "No, but I know where I am."
Administrator
Registered: Sep 2007
Posts: 175
chemjeff wrote
Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies "No, but I know where I am."


This is a good one -- too bad it will be lost on most of the cops....
Member
Registered: Dec 2007
Posts: 14
Location: Tehran
This part was really really funny. "This is a good one -- too bad it will be lost on most of the cops...." just imagine. :) :mrgreen:
Professor has deep meaning for saying this, I think.

I am sure if Heisenberg drove and then reached to Einstein (who dressed as a cop and saying stop please), He will stop over him and say “you MUST measure only one, my velocity or place, you know”. If anyone blame Heisenberg for what he has done. I am sure he will try to justify him-self with describing uncertainty in time and place. :)
Administrator
Registered: Sep 2007
Posts: 175
Physisits have a tradition. Every 16 billions of years they get together and launch a large hadron collider.
« Last edit by iopenshell on Fri Sep 26, 2008 10:43 pm. »
Member
Registered: Mar 2008
Posts: 42
The experimentalist comes running excitedly into the theorist's office, waving a graph taken off his latest experiment. "Hmmm," says the theorist, "That's exactly where you'd expect to see that peak. Here's the reason." A long logical explanation follows. In the middle of it, the experimentalist says "Wait a minute", studies the chart for a second, and says, "Oops, this is upside down." He fixes it. "Hmmm," says the theorist, "you'd expect to see a dip in exactly that position. Here's the reason...".
Member
Registered: Mar 2008
Posts: 42
What happens when electrons lose their energy?
A: They get Bohr'ed
Member
Registered: Jul 2009
Posts: 2
An oldie but a good one however ;

An electron calls the police to say "Somebody just robbed my electron", the policeman replied "Are you sure?" to which the electron replied "Of course I'm sure,in fact, I'm positive!"
« Last edit by Worthy Words on Thu Jul 09, 2009 11:42 am. »
morris09
Guest
When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.
« Last edit by kirhist on Thu Jan 28, 2010 8:47 pm. »
Member
Registered: Dec 2009
Posts: 3
jt512 wrote
Q. What's the difference between an automobile mechanic and a quantum mechanic?

A. A quantum mechanic can get his car into the garage without opening the door.

hahahaha good one
Member
Registered: Jan 2010
Posts: 1
Hello

do we have a facebook page or group?
if we dont , i think it will be very efficient if we will :-)
we can send posts and upload pictures so everyone can see
and also see each others profile.
also, we can actually chat which each other :)
facebook has now a really good chat client that we can use and the chat has now also facebook smileys which are really cool and fun.

what do you think about this?

regarding a joke- how about this one:

When was Heisenberg born?
Oh, that's very uncertain. :D
Member
Registered: Feb 2010
Posts: 6
kadir wrote
I guess I am a pretty bad quantum mechanic, I still cannot do that without opening the door :)


Lol, i think it for everyone, but now just push button then the door will open :p

regards
Member
Registered: Mar 2010
Posts: 3
chemjeff wrote
Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies "No, but I know where I am."

Ha! This gets me every time.
Member
Registered: Apr 2010
Posts: 2
Location: Orange County, California
Worthy Words wrote
An oldie but a good one however ;

An electron calls the police to say "Somebody just robbed my electron", the policeman replied "Are you sure?" to which the electron replied "Of course I'm sure,in fact, I'm positive!"


Cute......My son just told me that one

James~
steve01
Guest
Q: What happens when electrons lose their energy?
A: They get Bohr'ed
I found this quantum mechanic joke really funny.. I laugh at it every time.
« Last edit by kadir on Fri Jun 25, 2010 7:43 pm. »
Member
Registered: Nov 2011
Posts: 1
A statistician and a physicist compete to predict the winning horse in a race. Both part ways to their labs to work on their predictions.

As you'd expect, the statistician performs numerous analyses, runs numbers and equations through a super computer, and eventually comes up with a prediction for the winning horse. When he meets up with the physicist again, he displays a graph of the probabilities for each horse to win and says, "this horse will most likely win."

When it is his turn, the physicist holds out his hands and says, "well, I couldn't quite predict a winning horse. But I was able to construct a model of a perfectly spherical horse in a vacuum."
« Last edit by kadir on Thu Dec 01, 2011 11:53 pm. »
Herbal Plants
Guest
How many theoretical physicists specializing in general relativity does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.
Member
Registered: Mar 2014
Posts: 1
Location: USA
Physicists are brilliant, they know what they're doing, its a persuasive for us but reality for them.
Member
Registered: Jul 2016
Posts: 2
Location: 1146 W. 35th ST Los Angeles 90007
Two theoretical physicists are lost at the top of a mountain.
Theoretical physicist No 1 pulls out a map and peruses it for a while.
Then he turns to theoretical physicist No 2 and says: "Hey, I've figured it out. I know where we are."
"Where are we then?"
"Do you see that mountain over there?"
"Yes."
"Well… THAT'S where we are."
Note: The joke is about how out-of-touch with the real world theoretical physicists can sometimes be.

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